I have always looked up to my big sister. I wanted to be like her, I wanted to be her. I wanted to go to the high school that she went to and went to great lengths to make that happen.
When I missed the admission cut-off by 5 marks, I waited until the next year and gave it a second try. At 15 years old, I went to the school, asked to see the principal, armed with my form 1 transcripts, and tried to convince her that I was the right fit for the school. Her response was that had I really wanted to get into that school, then when picking high schools, the school should have been my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice. She then called the security guard over to get me out of her office.
My desire to be like my big sister did not wane just because of that one roadblock. I proceeded to pick the university that she went to and even did the same undergraduate course that she did. It got so bad that one day, one of my brothers sat me down and told me that, as awesome as our sister was, no one wanted a clone of her and that I should be my own person. That I was doing myself a disservice by trying to be someone else.
I took this to heart but even as I carved out my own space in this world, I looked up to her, still do. I have also realized just how much pressure I put on her. There were questions that a younger me had expected her to have answers to, that now, at the age she had been then when I asked those questions, I have no answer to and have no idea if put on the spot, just how I would respond. I am amazed at how graceful she has always been, trying to answer my questions and just be a big sister. It couldn’t have been easy.
I have seen her face challenges and fall off the pedestal that I put her on. But she never gives up. She’s decisive, not afraid to make mistakes and somehow always manages to make the most of what life throws at her. So even though I’m now comfortable with the person that I am and growing into, that young girl, that small sister in me, still thinks that when she grows up, she wants to be just like her big sister.
Knightlessjules 